Puzzles and Pictures

While visiting the other day with Su’s cousin, Gary, I was reminded that my relationship with my mother-in-law was always a bit tenuous. Yes, I believe that is the word I would like to use. Tenuous.

I do not blame my mother-in-law for this. In fact, with the benefit of over 50 years to meditate on my social errors, I know there were many ways I interacted with Grace in the early part of our relationship which sowed the seeds of tension for years to come.

The first time I took Su out on a date, her father met me at the door. He wanted to meet the young man who was taking his daughter to a movie – Disney’s Lady and the Tramp, if I remember correctly. I walked up to him in my favorite flannel shirt, bell-bottoms (with requisite ragged hem in the back), hair over my ears and said, “Hey, Bob! How’s it going?” According to my mother-in-law – who was standing behind Dr. Sawtell – this was not the appropriate way to meet a staff physician from the Mayo Clinic.

Some months later, Su managed to fenagle her mother into inviting me for supper. After finishing the excellent meal, I made the terrible mistake of pushing back from the table and leaning on the back two legs of the dining room chair. Did I mention it was an antique dining room chair? I remember the room went quiet and everyone looked at me. My future father-in-law with surprise, my wife-to-be in horror, and Grace with nostril flaring anger.

I knew I had done something very wrong. I just wasn’t sure what it was. I actually looked down to see if my zipper was open.

Perhaps the worse social faux pas I made during those early years came when I should have already known better. In Su’s family, if a last piece of cake was still on the serving plate, you never helped yourself to the entire thing. Instead, you would only take half of the piece. If the half piece was left, you divided it again, effectively serving yourself a quarter-sized piece of the cake. One evening, I watched this go on until I thought we were in danger of splitting the atom and took the final, paper-thin piece of chocolate cake.

I am not sure, but I think the world may have stood still. I do remember Bob stating with bewilderment, “You took all the cake.” I doubt it had ever happened before.

No, I must correct myself. I believe the absolute worst error I made with my mother-in-law came when I brought Su home one evening. Grace and Bob were busy working on a puzzle. My mother-in-law commented that this was a particularly difficult one. Trying to be helpful and gain a few “boyfriend points” in the process, I picked up the cover of the puzzle box and said, “It might help to look at the photo of the puzzle.” This statement broke Grace’s concentration. She looked up and said, “We never use the box. We always do it this way.”

This interaction may be one of the reasons I do not like puzzles to this day. Su enjoys putting them together. I will “help” by occasionally putting in a piece or two. I also make sure that Su is using the puzzle box to guide her efforts.

Of course, this reminds me of a Bible passage. 1 John 3:2 reads, “Dear friends, we are already God’s children, but he has not yet shown us what we will be like when Christ appears. But we do know that we will be like him, for we will see him as he really is.” (NLT)

Many times, when we look at the jumbled pieces of our lives, it is hard to see how we are ever going to reflect the character and priorities of Jesus. I am afraid many of us give up. Like some of Su’s puzzles, it just seems too complex.

However, that is one of the reasons we have the Gospels. Together they provide us with an image of Jesus that communicates through all the centuries. As we see Him interact with His family, friends, civil authorities, and religious leaders, we grow in understanding of His values. As we read the description of His public ministry, we learn about His character. As we see Him “set His face toward Jerusalem” and journey to the cross, we observe His practical love.

As my years of relationship with Su turned into multiple decades, I needed to reflect His character and priorities in my marriage. As our three daughters grew, I focused on reflecting Jesus’ love to them. As my relationship with Grace evolved, I was responsible for learning how I could be an authentic disciple in each of my interactions with her.

Have I ever achieved perfection in this? The simple answer is no. So, I must keep looking at the picture of Jesus in front of me, putting one more piece into the puzzle. I want to always look at Him. I want to make sure I always do it His way.